The racing season is now officially here. For some anyway. A few races have already happened, at least one Sacramento Series race, DFL and also the seemingly beefed-up Livermore Series is in effect. I've done none of them, mind you. I came close to lining up for a random Livermore race a few weeks ago but decided instead to crash on a lazy Friday afternoon. It was a stupid crash...basically I hopped off my bike at 20+ mph and crashed...um...running. Since I can't run quite that fast. I've been practicing my CX dismounts a bit and that particular day, I was practicing and also showboating a bit for the riding buddies, giving them a sound kicking up the hill or along the road, and then topping it off with a dismount-run-remount display of CX prowess. Quite impressive the first few times I pulled it off, but this one across the county line sign (handily winning the sprint) didnt' work out so well.

Sign me up for road rash on my forearm, shin and upper thigh, four knuckles badly skinned, one needing 2 stitches, and a side order of hematoma to the left lower buttock. Yay.

Anyway it kept me from whimsically lining up at Livermore, which is an awful shame because the thought crossed my mind and at the moment, didn't seem like a half bad idea.

A few weeks later and the body has healed remarkably fast, and by most indicators I'm riding well. So...you'd think I'd be pretty excited to line up at Sunday's CCCX race. You would be wrong.

I'm feeling something between indifference, pre-race jitters and outright dread about the whole prospect. At the moment racing sounds like zero fun andI don't know why I'd bother, when I could just as easily to a long, lazy ride, drink some coffee and have a nap. And that may yet happen, but somehow, I don't think so. The race is there, and for whatever reason, I feel like I gotta go. Like I'm supposed to. Not sure why, but there you go.

It helps to think of it as training. Yeah, a good hour's worth of training, that's all. Nevermind the driving, the entry fee, the stress and general freak fest of being elbow to elbow with 50 other skinsuit-clad, adrenalin-addled kooks itching to kill each other. It also helps that the weather sucks and there's a strong potential for rain tomorrow, making it a potential mud dance. Which strangely, holds more appeal to me than racing in the dry. I don't f'ing know. If I can shut my brain off and just get out there, line up and ride in circles for 60 minutes, I'll probably feel like a better person for doing so, though at the moment I'm not quite sure why. Right about now, I can't quite remember why I do this.

All this lunacy is no doubt caused by the cocktail of work stress, travelling wife and lack of sleep that I've had the past week, but it doesn't matter.

And we're back. Presently we're staring down the barrel of the 2007-2008 cyclocross season. That means we skipped straight over the whole 2006-2007 season without a single post. My bad.

Turns out I did a little racing last season, in the A's this time. I didn't train at 100% as I had for the B's and ended up with several obstacles throughout the year...friends passing away, lots of work travel, blah blah. So it wasn't a perfect year and the A's are frigging fast. And there's that extra 15 minutes. Barry Wicks lapped me every time he lined up but I don't feel that bad about that.

It actually went pretty well, with a few top 20 finishes and some generally respectable mid-packery. And I wasn't even the last of the HRS Rock Lobster riders. It's tough to call that success but it's not a total failure either. All the moreso since my motivation was definitely in the dumps last season. I probably could have loitered around in the B's for another year and continued to build up my self esteem, but somehow it would have seemed wrong, and I just wanted to see if I could ride in the A's and finish better than DFL. And I did.

But that was last year.

Since then I've ridden more, and pushed harder, but still haven't applied the focus and drive that I had in 05. But I've put in some good miles and I don't feel far off from race fitness, whatever that means. Recently the evil PowerTap went back on and preliminary testing for 30sec intervals shows my max power is up by quite a bit, which is a good sign, but I'm not so sure about my threshold power, which is really a better indicator of theoretical cross-o-rific-ness. We'll see where that number stands soon.

In the meantime, all that's left is to cram as much quality training into what's left of August and into September, and try not to let my delicate mental state undermine my motivation.

The 2005 CX season is over. I'm glad. But I miss it already.

It's been 24 hours since my 2005 cyclocross campaign officially came to a close, but it feels like months already. I've come to terms with my results, both the successes and failures in my preparation and in the racing. I've accomplished a lot...more than I'd expected really, though I'll admit that I did start to dream of world domination early in the racing season.

I'm glad it's over. I think it was a mere 14 races, four separate race series, and I finished in the top 6 in all but three, and landed in the prizes or on the podium more days than not. Hardly a failure, though I learned that unless you win everything, you're never really happy.

So what next? I must admit, for all the dreaming I did earlier in the year of this point, of having it all behind me, and nothing but freedom and whimsy ahead of me. Ride whatever I want, whenever and wherever. No more discipline. No more training. No more anything, unless it sounds fun, at least for a while, until it's time to start lazy base rides for 2006.

But what's odd...I can't wait to start training. I'll get 2 hours in tomorrow and I can't wait. I'm going to take my time off, but I want to make sure I do that properly, and start trainining in hearnest as soon as it's time. I'm looking forward to getting back to it.

Guess I'm not done.

Today has to go better than Saturday, right? Right?

Wrong.

Now, understand, this is most likely my last CX race of the 2005 season and the Series Finals for Pilarcitos, and double points. I crashed and came up a bit short yesterday, just out of the top 10, and tragically well behind Granshaw. But today, well, things have to get better. I mean, as long as I can stay upright, everything is bound to go better.

It started off well enough. Despite a bad night of sleep my legs feel pretty good. Rode the trainer for 30 minutes last night to psyche back up, and loosen up a bit, and it seems to have worked on both fronts. I warm up well, feeling surprisingly solid and secure on what was undoubtedly a treacherous course. At least the dirt part, anyway.

Good news, yesterday's drama didn't undo my call up, and it didn't even knock me out of 6th overall. Nick Hanni, who was just ahead of me yesterday, is still within reach. And he knows it. He also knows I just missed him the day before, even with the crash. Hope that makes him nervous.

Boom, the whistle goes off and we start. I get a great start, finding myself at the front with Nick, Rob Mau and the other front runners, and comfortable there. I come down the hill right behind Nick, top two. So he's going well, too, I say to myself. I tell him we should work together, but before we get a chance he makes a mistake in a corner and loses a few places. Now we're past the beach run up an I'm first. Rob Mau and Logan Loader are right on my heels. We hit the road section and ride off. Top three. I'm thinking "recover, recover, catch your breath and roll with this" and I'm trying my best, but slowly, the others are pulling me in. Slowly, I watch as the other top guys, like Eric Nelson, Max, et. al make their way past as I fade.

I would continue to fade until most of the guys who beat me the day before, including Granshaw and that little Eric Brady tool from the Ritchey Lapierre team, made it past me. With four laps to go, I find myself fighting Kammeyer and the chump on the fixed gear, again, same as yesterday. I'm now emotionally crushed, indifferent to the results, just wanting to get it over with but doing my best to not completely give up. I'd chase down Kammeyer's attack and try unsuccessfully to shake him, but he stays on my wheel. With no help from him, I would pass Max (who had a mechanical) and I'd drag Jim McDonald and Nick Hanni back into range, but Kammeyer would eventually come around me on the last barrier set and beat me.

It didn't really matter by then anyway. I didn't give up but I was cooked and running out of fight. So I finished 12th. Worse than the day before. My worst finish in the whole 2005 Pilarcitos series, and on the one day that's worth double points. Oh well.

I still finished in the top 10 overall. 7th, actually, and in the prizes. But I'm a fool and I had my street clothes on for the podium photos. Oops.

And that's that. From here I'd sink into melancholy, depression, shame, indifference, self pity and general malaise.

I had big plans for the last two Pilarcitos races. I came in motivated, rested, fired up and ready to crush everyone, dreaming big dreams, even bigger than what seemed possible. I was aiming for a win, or maybe tow wins. Pretty much whatever I could pull off and as of Friday night it all seemed possible. Back to back wins, yes, a stunning sweep of the Pilarcitos finals, seemed possible as the indomitable Sean Coffey descended upon the last two major races of the 2005 CX season. On the drive out to the races, I had some new motivating music to psyche myself up for the fight. I felt excited, emotional and absolutely ready to throw down.

Even at the start, I had no nerves, only minmal pre-race jitters. Got my call up and felt huge, on the front row, shoulder to shoulder with the other top B's, staring down the opening bit of the course, which went straight up the side of the big hill that haunted the south end of the course, where most of the dirt and technical riding would be. The gun went off and I got a good, but not great start, but I quickly settled into the front group. Halfway through the first lap, on the back end of the course, I was somewhere between 7th and 10th, with a relatively sketchy nobody rider in front of me. He was twitchy on the bike...kindof a creep. I thought to myself "pass him soon" but I never got the chance. On a pavement-to-deep-bark section, he augered in and stacked right in front of me. I tried to get around him, tried to ride over the top of him, but ended up crashing, finally coming to rest with his horky Cannondale on top of me.

Pissed, I threw his bike aside and grabbed mine. Stunned momentarilly. Johannes, who never beats me, rode past and off into the distance. I hopped on and started what would be an even harder race now, one of merciless chasing.

I caught Johannes and a few other riders in a sluggish group on the long road section heading back to the hill. I pushed a few of them aside as I passed. I remember it seeming odd that they were chugging along so slowly. Up the road I went. Work to do, you know.

Someone is on my wheel. And then Tim goes by. Other stuff happens, most notably, the complete unraveling of my mental state as Granshaw disappears up the road. But I crashed...so I just dig in and keep going.

An eternity goes by. I never see Tim again. John Kammeyer and I duke it out for whatever's left of the race. I eventually pull away from him. Up the road I see Nick Hanni, the one guy whom I'd really like to beat today. I pull him closer and closer, but run out of race. I finish, physically and emotionally overextended.

11th. Not what I'd hoped for. I had a top 10 finish in my legs, but luck would not have it for me today. And Tim...he got 4th. Would have had third, if he hadn't dropped his chain, he says. Cause it's always something with him, I swear. I didn't hang around long. I drive home in a mixed state of fury and despair.

Later that night, I would eat, take a bath, do my best to recover and even ride the trainer for 30 minutes to loosen my legs for tomorrow, as I finally rallied to accept my less-than-perfect result and set it aside as I aimed for a better ride the next day. I would fight tears of frustration, and get only a few hours of restless sleep.

Now it’s Friday and I’m a bit closer to excitement and pre-race jitters, but I’m playing mind tricks on myself to keep from getting too freaky about things. It helps to remember that I’m rested, confident, prepared and motivated, and that in the previous two Pilarcitos races I’ve only been beat by 4 or 5 riders. That’s motivating. I’m a little worried about tire selection, of all things, though I doubt it’s really an issue. Just thinking about it.

It’s Thursday. Normally I feel nervous by Thursday, and whenever my mind wanders to the topic of the weekend’s upcoming races, I feel that ice cold electric shock of nerves in my stomach. But for some reason, I have none of that today.

There are hundreds of little things that could go wrong between now and race day (or days, since it’s a double header), and hundreds more that could occur during the race and screw things up. But…I don’t know…I’m just not bothered by it.

Maybe it’s because I rode decently at CCCX #4 and finished well despite my tactical ineptitude. Perhaps that’s allowed my confidence to recover from the Sacramento Series Finals and Surf City Finals, where I felt as though I was cutting my losses. I’m also quite familiar with the Coyote Point race courses. Even the cold and nasty weather we’re having (it’s raining right now) somehow puts my mind at ease, though there’s certainly no logical reason for that.

It’s also possible that I just don’t really care as much about this weekend compared to those other races. There’s less to lose. At Sac, there was my overall lead. At Watsonville, my overall 3rd. And then of course there’s the momentum of top finishes I’d like to maintain, and also the added motivation of keeping Granshaw behind me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m motivated to ride 100% and I’m aiming at nothing less than victory this weekend, even if it doesn’t seem totally within reach. I still want to do well and I’m set to drill it. Or not. I don’t know.

I have no idea.

What I do know is this. I rode reasonably well on Sunday but made some dumb tactical errors, but even still I’d have liked to have been strong enough to overcome those. But that might not be reasonable. Still, I kept Granshaw away and missed 3rd (and a medal) by a mere 2 seconds. Fudge. It added to my motivation, and my confidence, and further fueling that fire is the fact that my legs feel pretty good even after a hard ride yesterday. So I should be go like hell on Saturday, and again on Sunday, and the rain and mud, well, it doesn’t bother me.

Odd…since I’m merely 6th overall I don’t know if I care how well I do against the big players. I’m mostly worried about Granshaw. Strange, but true.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving day and I'm blogging from my InLaw's house. Thinking about racing. I can't/won't be driving up to Nevada to visit my parents tomorrow/this weekend, because the Chemo has my dad's white blood cell count too low for company and the risk of a complicating cold or something. And the weather's dicey too. So we'll stick around. I'm glad to miss the driving but sad to miss my parents.

On the upside, I can whimsically hop into the CCCX #4 race. I'm not sure how I'll feel. Last week after Surf City #3 I did everything wrong in terms of post-race recovery, although I did skip the SFGP to the disappointment of Paul Sadoff and a few other CX friends, but that might have been smart. I've ridden a bit, moderately on Tuesday and moderately again yesterday (from LG to Belmont) and I feel okay. Not great, but okay. It's always so hard to tell, and my internal form/fitness compass is notoriously inaccurate, so who knows.

What I DO know is this. It's Thanksgiving weekend and therefore probably not the biggest weekend for CX racing in the Central Coast series, especially after the demanding double GP weekend prior. And it looks like Samples is the dominant force at CCCX, the series doesn't seem to draw many other high caliber riders. So a top 3 finish is a very real possibility for me. I'm strong, and by Sunday I'll be well rested and motivated, and besides that, it's really just a training race anyway. The real action comes on the following weekend at the Pilarcitos SuperPrestige series finals, Dec 3-4.

But if Sunday and CCCX goes well, I might just win a medal (sweet!) and get enough points to have a go at the rest of the season. We'll see...

Surf City Finals! No room for error...

Wow, this is a big one too. After wrapping up Sacramento, my next big goal was to hold onto my 3rd overall at Surf City. It's close. I have four points over 4th place Jordi Cortes, and 8 points over some other guy from Easton/Specialized, who missed the first race but placed 2nd in round 2. I've done the math, and Jordi must put at least four riders beteween he and I, or finish on the podium. The Easton Specialized guy has to do even better than that.

Of course I'm freaking out about this one. But I figure I'm relatively safe, Jordi has only beat me once, at Surf City #1 when I tossed my chain on the last lap. And that was 4th to my 6th. In our head-to-head matches I've always come out on top. Granite Point in Sac, I won and he got 8th after leading early in the first lap, before I took over. Surf City 2, I kindly passed him and that was that. No, I'm pretty sure I have him under control, and 3rd in the series is all but guaranteed.

Then, everything goes all wrong. First, this is a GP race, so it's a huge field full of random riders, including a few A's. But I get a callup, so I'm not too worried. Further complicating matters is the fact that we really can't pre-ride the course. That's a factor...part of my normal pre-race routine is doing anywhere from 4-6 laps for both technical practice and for warmup purposes. Not today. Although I guess it didn't help much at Surf City 2, when I rode through the course tape. Anyway...

My coach fortified my confidence, telling me that I'm ready, I'm strong and I have to believe, which I did. We also decided that I shouldn't make a big jump right at the start, but instead should hold back and attack later. Good idea in theory, but this was the wrong race for that. At the start, it was nothing but elbows, bar knocking and general pandimonium. Normally I'd quickly go to the front and avoid most of this, but today I found myself in the middle of it all, and crazy bastards started passing me, running me into the course tape, cutting me off and generally sending me backwards. Jordi, on the other hand, was pedaling off into the distance.

A couple times I'd try to pass one of the A's riders I know, like Mansur Nurralah or Isaias Job. I'd say "inside" but instead of making room they'd just squeeze me out. It sucked and it led to more lost places. So early in the first lap I found myself somewhere in the top 20 with Jordi in the top 3. I blew it. 3rd overall was lost.

Then I crashed on the day's trickiest off-camber corner. Not sure if someone drifted into me, or if I caught a pedal, or just slipped out, but whatever, when I got up my bars needed straightening, my brake hood was bent inward and I'd scored some good road rash, impressive since it was dirt that I crashed on. We were close to the pits (and my spare bike) but not that close, so I opted to ride a lap and get my spare bike next time around, if it was necessary. Turns out I decided to live with the inward bent brake lever for the duration of the race.

Now, from here, I have to say I'm proud of myself. I kept the pace up, even though I was both mentally and physically cooked from the awful first two laps and the fact that Jordi was up the road. But I knew it was important to keep going. Anything could still happnen. And despite the fact that the rest of the race didn't go great for me, I kept ahead of Granshaw, and late in the race, God Be Praised, I see Jordi up the road.

On the last lap, three riders catch me and sit in. The pressure is on...if they get around me, it'll be close...all Jordi has to do is pass another rider, or another rider can pass me, and it's all over. So I have to keep these guys at bay. One gets around me before the final run up. That's okay...it's just one and I may get him at the top anyway. Then my chain drops on the dismount. I put my bike down and pedal with my hand as I run up. The chain is back on at the top! Punch it, nearly catch that one guy at the line, and Jordi beats me by two placings...not enough.

3rd Overall. Nice sack of prizes. I get to stand on a podium with Samples, Mau, and Jordi. I remember to rear my Rock Lobster vest.

Bad ride, bad day, but still a good finish.

A weekend of no racing. Finally!

I'm not sure, but I think there was a weekend with no races here. And I did...nothing...and it felt great. Who knows if I should have done a bit more with the bike those days. Probably. But mentally the break was good.

Next on the menu is Sacramento Series Finals. I'm nervous but confident for this one. I compulsively review the points, and it looks like only Dan Dixon is really a threat to my overall win. Still, I dream of crushing the whole field. It's not likely but not impossible.

The course is Negro Bar. Good course with stairs and stuff. Different route than I did earlier in the year. I warm up, but I feel sluggish. And I don't like the course much...it has some very risky sections and I'm just not in the mood for it I guess. I warm up with Ryan Fowler and he's nearly dropping me on the tricky parts. But I'm strong, right?

For a while it was looking like Dan Dixon didn't show, but turns out he did. And he look strong. That's okay...I'm confident and ready to fight.

Call ups go off, and I'm 3rd for that. And we start on a long paved secion, leading into one of the sketchy corners. I sit on Jimbo's wheel and come inside on the corner, and then lay down my typcial first lap blitz. I hit the stairs with a second gap. But I fade and as the race goes on, several riders find their way past me, including Fowler. But Dan Dixon is done for, thankfully, so my job is already done, in some regards. Fowler and I would duke it out for the remainder of the race, with me reeling him in and passing him when he botched a barrier bunnyhop on the climb. He caught me later but I attacked and shook him off. I think I finished 5th, behind Steve Tam and some East Sac wheelsucker guy named Paul.

And Poof. That's me 3rd overall in Sacramento CX, and first overall at Sac CX for 30+. I get a super sweet Sacramento CX Overall Winner's Jersey. I'm very happy about this. I'm also happy to have bettered Fowler, who's a strong, skilled guy.

But I'm disappointed a little with the day's ride. I feel like I had more than I brought to the table this day, and part of it might have been the course. I hit the stairs with amazing speed and grace, but a few of the sketchy bits, I might have lost a little time. And it all adds up.

Surf City Round 2. Good news.

So, after discussing things with my coach, we decided that Sunday's race was indication that I needed a little rest. So I spent the next five days basically riding along the coast at a coffee shop pace. I must admit, I enjoyed this. I also felt a little better about stuff. In my mind, Pilarcitos Round 2 was the darkest moment of the season so far, and I'd come through far stronger than I'd expected.

For Surf City Round 2, I was a bit more optimistic but just as nervous. Between the heat and some weird eating I felt borderline nauseous during my warmup. It helped that before staging, I talked to my fellow racers, kids like Mack Chew, Nick Hanni, Pederson, and Mau, and we ALL suffer the same pre-race nerves. We all hear that little voice in our heads, whispering "why are you doing this? This sucks..." Somehow that made it easier to bear, knowing I'm not alone in that. Also making it easier was the new Rock Lobster Scandium GX2 frame in team green and my new Rock Lobster team long sleeve skin suit. I feel like a badass, even if I don't deserve to.

I get my call up, and we go off. Boom, me and Robert and Jordi and the rest of the front runners go tearing off a sketchy, sand-and-gravel stretch before hitting a short climb onto pavement winding around Soquel High School. At the top, Rob and co. seem to stall for a minute, and I drill it. I rip through the top section of the course, through the winding bits in the quad area, back to the straightaway in the expo area. Leading and feeling strong. I hop the curb into the trees and head towards the sketchy, loose and root-filled off-camber lefty down towards the tennis courts, but instead of making the right and dropping in, I go STRAIGHT INTO THE COURSE TAPE. For no good reason. And the 10 riders chasing me go right past. I unclip and place myself at the top of the section and ride down.

Just like that, I go from leading to chasing.

Fortunately I had legs, and the course, a mostly flat, wide-open but quite bumpy affair, seems to suit me. Not long and I catch the back of the group. Jordi lets me by, and then I drop him. Mack and I duke it out a bit. I'm on Dave Samples wheel when some Easton Specialized guy crashes in front of us. Dave gets by but I didn't, and the Easton guy later drops me. The race goes on. Eventually, Mack catches me with 2 to go and sits on my wheel. I attack the crap out of him, I can get a few bike lenghts on him but I can't shake him anywhere except for the bumpy sections, but he keeps coming back. I screw up and miss the line again on another technical section, but I get back on course before Mack catches me. Final lap, Mack is close enough to make it interesting, but I sprint and take 4th. My best Bay Area finish to date.

I hang out with the Lapierre guys and do feeds for my Rock Lobster teammate Ben Dodge. It's a good day.

It's been a while...lots to tell.

So, my last update was just prior to Pilarcitos Round 2. I guess I've been busy, cause a lot's happened since then and I haven't updated for a while. So here goes.

Pilarcitos Round 2 was rough. The stress of racing and the pressure of not having much form for a while was really eating at me, and on the rides leading up to this race I couldn't get my HR up beyond 169. Not a good sign at all. Before the race, I sat in my car and fought to hold in tears of frustration. My outlook for the day was not good.

While warming up, Robert Mau came flying past me, an obvious taunt. I caught him, and for maybe 30 seconds we dueled wheel to wheel before I finally passed him at the top of a barrier...disrupting him. He stopped with a smile and slapped me on the back. This sticks in my mind because because it proved to me, and maybe to Robert, that in a head-to-head battle I can hold my own even against him, which is something I've not been able to to this season so far.

I get my call-up to 5th, based on the first round finish. And Blam, we're racing. I get a mediocre start as Eric Nelson and Mau go flying off. I'm in a group of 6 chasers. Then I fall off the pace. That's pretty much where I remained for most of the race. I rode a smooth, consistent and crash-free race, I hammered the rough sections and pavement to try and make up as much time as I could. I saw Granshaw behind me and prayed I could keep him there. The sand on this course was brutal, and there was a 50-yard zig-zag section that was tough to ride or run clean...I pretty much got through however I could. On the last lap, I caught Jim McDonald, a personal triumph because so far I've only beat him at the previous Pilarcitos race. He was groaning in pain as I passed him. After the race I'd learn his calves had cramped up. Eric Nelson won, and I would finish 6th. Not as bad as I'd feared. And Granshaw, in our first race against each other, finished 16th or something.

Next update, Surf City round 2.

The quiet before the storm...

Tomorrow is Pilarcitos SuperPrestige Round 2. Possibly the biggest cross race of my life, my best performance ever, or maybe my worst, or most forgetable, with a candy-like shell of mediocrity. Most likely it'll fall somewhere in the middle.

I'm excited. I get a front-line call-up tomorrow from my 5th place finish in the first race...a 5th that could have and learly was a 2nd, though that's another story. The call-up is a big honor, a sortof milestone for me, a point of pride and a considerable tactical advantage, as it guarantees a decent starting position. And since this is a big, important race series, I'm hoping to hold my own and maintain a good overall position with a strong finish tomorrow.

That said, my form has recently skipped town on me. All week I've felt flat. Relatively speedy, but not powerful, strong or anything like the superhero I've occasionally been in recent months, and that's messing up my outlook for tomorrow.

It's tough. You can't let this sort of thing freak you out, or you'll begin to lose the race before it even starts, because you'll expect to have a bad day. It's very, very important to stay mentally focused and sharp, even when the odds are clearly stacked against you. Sure I expect to have less than 100% of my full powers tomorrow, but then again, I'm still very strong, skilled and experienced, and who knows...my competition is also succeptible to colds, bad days, dumb tactical moves and poor mid-week training, lack of sleep, all of that. There's no reason to think that just because my legs feel like wood, that they still won't be enough to turn the screws on the other guys, or that their legs don't also feel like wood. I mean, I can't see that things would be much different for any of my competitors.

The way I see it, racing is a collection of hard days in the saddle, sore legs, bad luck and situations that could have gone better, which leave you muttering "if only this" or "If I hadn't that". And if you're lucky, you'll have a few days sprinkled in here and there when everything does fall into place. Good legs, a course that suits you, no crashes, no flat tires, all the right moves at all the right times, and you'll win, or even just do extremely well. I'm lucky and I've already had a couple days like that in my life, one earlier this season even. But those are the exceptions.

Maybe this is the best way to look at it. In racing, you're probably not going to have a perfect day. So it's really about riding as hard and as smart as you can, and making the most out of an imperfect situation you're likely to be in. And keep in mind that everyone else is in the same boat, trying to do the same thing while enduring similar challenges.

With that in mind, I'm going to imagine that my cometitors have sore, flat legs. That they're mentally and physically tired, maybe on the brink of illness. That they're dreading tomorrow for fear that a gang of fresher, stronger riders are going to take them to task. Think about it...the whole front of the field is like that, just like me. It's a mental game and I just have to get beyond the physical side and push myself harder than I believe I can go.

Where the hell did my form go?

For a trained athlete, you have fitness, and form. Fitness is what you get from lots of training over a period of time. If you've been training consistently for 3 years, you are most likely fit, to some degree at least. Form, on the other hand, is how much of that fitness you have access to at the moment. So on a given day, a fit rider with no form may be no faster than a rider of lesser fitness, with better form. But that's as good as things will get for the rider of lesser fitness, whereas the rider with bad form will be much, much faster when his or her form returns.

That said, I am fit as hell. I knew that coming into the season, and after the first few races I did. However, my form is a different story. I had all kinds of form for the first Sacramento race, and I had a decent bit for the 2nd and 3rd Sacramento races. I even came back from Vegas with a reasonable bit of form for the first Pilarcitos. But since then, despite a good dose of weekend racing with smart rest rides peppering the weekdays, my form seems to be receeding. My form is suddenly like that girl you've been dating for 5 happy, blissful sex-tastic months, and suddenly, she seems melancholy and distant. Ask her what's wrong and she says, "Nothing...I just need space."

It's messed up. I need my form. I worked hard to build fitness, and when I've had my form, or even part of it, I've been quite pleased with my performance. And here we are, exactly halfway through the 2005 cyclocross season, and I feel like my top end has disappeared. I can cruise at a good speed, good enough to land me consistently in the top 5 so far (crashing and technical issues notwithstanding) but I don't have that extra push to chase down attacks and that sort of thing.

This week I tried to ride carefully, getting the "right" mix of intensity and recovery rides, along with plenty of food and sleep. It's now Saturday night and it's tough to tell what good this has done

Surf City #1 Report

Could have gone better, could have gone worse. It's still debatable as to whether I'm doing too much effort during the week between races, or not enough. Though lately, it seems more and more apparent that the former is the case. More on that later.

Surf City #1 happened at Aptos High School, a course I've never done. Let's be clear about one thing...this is a messed up cross course. But at the same time, it's probably more authentically "cross" than a lot of the stuff I've done where you only hop off the bike once per lap. Oh no...in contrast, this course had five, that's right five run-up's of the sort that required bike shouldering, and two of them in particular were so absurdly steep that you had to be careful where you placed your feet or you'd slide back down. This was in dry, sandy conditions...I can't imagine what it would have been like if it were soggy.

That said, I rather liked it. Other bits were similarly tough and technical. If only I'd had legs to hit it at 100% of my abilities. As it was, I got a decenct but not stellar start, and settled into 3rd, where I could watch Robert Mau and Dave Samples ride away from me. I held my own for most of the race, despite getting tangled in the caution tape in a section of tight, slippery 180 degree turns on wet leaves. I crashed hard enough to mess up my second helmet in a month, and nearby spectators let out an "oooooohhhhhh" as I hit the ground. But I held onto 3rd at that point, surprisingly. It wasn't until later in the race when some guy whizzed past me like he'd just started, and then later I found myself battling with Jordi Cortez, a strong rider whom I normally beat. He passed me but I passed him back, and we were heading into the final few corners in close contention. It would be tight but I think I could have held him off. Instead I botched a dismount and dropped my chain. Again. In the time I lost fiddling with it, Jordi and some other guy got past me. Unfortunate. And 6th place. Ironically, my spare bike was so close that had I remembered and went for it, I might have held 4th. Alas.

Still, 6th is respectable and I can hardly call it an injustice, especially since I rode far from a perfect race. Most disturbing, I still seem to lack that "snap" that I had before. And I sure could use it.

I didn’t sleep well Saturday night. It’s typical after a race…I feel hot, restless and generally can’t pass out and sleep peacefully. All the more frustrating after a weak performance at Ione and a desperate, desperate need to get some rest for a good ride come Sunday.

Granite Bay, Sacramento. I‘ve raced there before, in fact I think it was the first B’s race I ever finished, a few years ago on the brown Rock Lobster, and I finished top 10. I recall being pleased about that even though the field was dinky. But that was then, and this is now…I ride for a big, proud team, I have a coach and allegedly, some fitness. Or so I thought until yesterday’s weak-sauce ride. Today will be different…gotta keep telling myself that…today will be different.

And it was different. Bigger field, and a better course. There were four distinct nasty sand sections in the course, two of which made for crippling runs. My plan today was simple: don’t go ballistic at the start, follow Jim and Eric, let them set the pace and make a move when they fade. Or rather, /if/ they fade. From the start, those guys exploded. Along with us went Mike (the punk that got 3rd ahead of me the day before) and Dan Dixon, who missed the party in Ione. The five of us pranced off and never saw any element of the rest of the field after the start.

Right away, Eric and Jim started attacking, and it was Mike who stepped up and did some work with me, but I was not trying to pull away at this early point. Perhaps I should have been…but with so many long flat sections it seemed unwise to go it alone against the group. Before long I found myself at the front, going hard but not attacking, looking to Eric and Jim to take the lead. Eric attacked and I figured I’d let Jim do the chasing, but he was playing tactics. He’d sit in on me, attack, and then sit up when I’d catch him. Eventually I got bored of this and just let him go. In retrospect, I should have attacked him but at the time, I just didn’t have the legs or the will, or both.

And that’s pretty much how it ended. Eric and Jim way off the front, Dan and Mike chasing just seconds behind me. I finished 3rd overall, theoretically winning the 30+ group depending on how you play the age game. It’s not a bad ride and I definitely feel better about things than I did the day before, but I expect more out of myself than this. I still didn’t have the kind of jump that I’ve had earlier in the year, and if I’m ever going to beat those guys, I’m going to /need/ that jump. I’ve vowed to diligently do my recovery rides, eat better, sleep more and drink no beer this week, and stay motivated. I have to keep in mind that in the first race, I could have beat Jim, and at SuperPrestige, I dispatched with both of them, and 90% of the field, with little trouble. It’s in me, I just have to get back on track.

Fast forward one week. It's Saturday night and I'm at Kate and Roby's. Nichole dozes on the couch.

Not a great race today, and I have no idea why. I rode a bit this week, doing a standard road ride on Weds, and a bit more spirited and intense ride on Thursday, followed by a very easy ride on Friday. But my legs felt sore Friday night, and that had me a bit worried.

The course was in Ione, which is 45 minues away from Sacramento, or to be more precise, it's in a little central valley foothill town in the middle of nowhere, off Hwy 88, where the hicks and mountain folk roam free. By design, the course was very cool. It had a little bit of everything. Starts out paved, two logs for a forced dismount, and then the course winds around some oak groves and a bit on the grassy park area under the trees, even up a small bit of stairs, which is always my favorite cyclocross thing. Later you head down this hill and cross a creek once, twice, yes three times before heading back up the hill towards the start/finish.

To look at it, I'd have said it would be a perfect course for me except for the creek crossings. They were too muddy to ride, but it was definitely slower to run. Either way they were lame.

From the start, I do my thing and get the hole shot. Eric and Jim to /their/ thing, which is to sit on my wheel until I start to slow down a bit, and then attack me. It worked flawlessly at Negro Bar and it worked again when they did it today. Disturbingly, today it happened much earlier in the race, like 1/3 of the way through the first lap. Not sure what was wrong, but I just didn't have it today, either mentally, physically or maybe both. I had concerns about my legs when warming up...I just didn't feel real snappy, but I was hoping it was all in my imagination. Guess not.

And shortly after Jim and Eric passed me, some other guy also got by me. I tried to chase but I just couldn't find the power to bring them back. Slowly, they all rode away from me. Nobody else came close to me, so I had 4th overall locked up, but that's no longer good enough. And I'd later find out that the 3rd guy is 34, so I didn't win the 30+ group either.

Oh well. It's probably a good thing...maybe I needed to be humbled a bit.

I'm baffled as to why I didn't ride well today, but there's not much I can do except drink, eat, rest and recover, and hope that tomorrow I'll have better legs things will go better. And even if that doesn't happen, hopefully I can turn things around for next week's Surf City Round 1.

SuperPrestige Round 1 went better than expected. I mean, at Interbike I was on my feet for much of the day, and not riding at all. We had these bar stools that were like torture devices...sure you're sitting down, but they tilted your ass forward in such a manner that you had to use the footbar at the base to hold yourself up in the stool. So your legs are loaded up, even when you're sitting. Flippin' dandy. I get back to the room and my legs were a little sore, and that's not a good thing. Add to that a week of stress, shaking hands and all that, and I felt close to sick on Saturday afternoon when I got back, and for Sunday's race I expected two things: a mediocre ride, and the complete onset of a cold afterwards.

Instead, I got two entirely different things: My best Pilarcitos/SuperPrestige finish yet, and my hardest crash in a while.

I warmed up well and felt pretty good, but I gotta say I fricking hate the Candlestick Point course. It's windy, flat, and treacherous. There are several tricky sections involving deep silt and sand, and fast. gravel-coated corners. And there's really only one good line on the whole course. Drift off that line and you'll lose speed, crash your balls off, or both.

When the official called the B's to the line, I happened to be standing on the line already, so I got a great starting position. The start is always critical, but on this course (when ran in this direction) it's especially so. After a short sprint on the pavement, you hit a hard right hander and then a quick left onto the dirt. From there, like I said before, there's really only one fast line for quite a while.

The gun goes off and I'm second into the first corner. I hit the dirt and the guy in front of me is already spinning two gears higher than me. I don't know what's going on behind me, but I suspect crashes, bad lines, yelling and general pandimonium as 60 B's riders all bottleneck onto a narrow, slippery and bumpy dirt section.

I ride the whole first lap hard, watching the guy ahead just ride away. But nobody's catching me, either. Some dude on the sideline yells "upgrade" to us. Through the start/finish line and I'm still not looking back, but I have a little gap it appears. I'm running 2nd. A few more laps fall and nothing changes. It's too good to be true. Am I this strong?

I get the 4 laps to go card. Can I hold this for another four laps? I don't know. Some guy catches me on the pavement and sits on my wheel. I make him pull, and then on the dirt he misses a corner and disappears. I'm starting to fade a little, and I'm getting nervous because the chasers are not that far behind now. I see them on the tight overlapping corners. I come into the most unpleasant section of the course and botch my remount, smashing my nuts, missing my pedals and bogging down in sand. Some dude named Nick catches up to me and urges that we keep rolling "cause they're gaining on us". And off we go. I let him pull, and he enters the barrier section with one foot too many still clipped into a pedal, and goes down in a heap. I pass him and keep charging to the 3 to go sign.

At two to go a cat 2 roadie kid named Max (and self proclaimed sandbagger) catches and attacks me on the flat section, bringing Nick along with him. I keep them in sight...Max isn't a great bike handler and maybe he'll crash or something, or I can reel them in on the last lap. I don't know.

One lap left and I'm 4th. I head into the first two dirt corners and go down hard in the second off-camber right. It was like I hit ice or something. I hit my head hard enough to ding my helmet. It takes a few seconds to gather my senses and some guy passes me shortly thereafter. Shaken but still assembled I finished 5th.

Top 5 out of 55 or 60 riders at Pilarcitos SuperPrestige. Not bad, not bad. Especially with Interbike factoring. Among the riders finishing well behind me are the Sacramento crew of Jim, Eric, Ryan and Jordi, and just two places behind me is Robert Mau, and the whole Ritchey LaPierre team. It's a ride I'm proud of, but I can't help but feel that 2nd place was there for me, but I just couldn't keep it together. But now, my season goals already met, my SuperPrestige overall points campaign suddenly very intriguing and my overall confidence soaring, I can attack the rest of the season with a newfound ferocity.